These are the audition pieces for Into the Woods.
Audition Workshop Monologues - Ladies
In the past, when you were no more than a babe, your father brought his young wife and you to this cottage. They were a handsome couple, but not handsome neighbours. You see, your mother was with child and had developed an unusual appetite. She took one look at my beautiful garden and told your father what she wanted more than anything in the world was greens, greens, and nothing but greens: parsley, peppers, cabbages, and celery, asparagus and watercress and fiddle-ferns and lettuce! He said, “All right,” But it wasn’t, quite, ‘cause I caught him in the autumn in my garden one night! He was robbing me, raping me, rooting through my rutabaga, raiding my arugula and my champion! My favourite!-- I should have laid a spell on him right there!
Little Red Riding Hood:
Mother said, “Straight ahead!” not to delay or be misled. I should have heeded her advice . . . But he seemed so nice, and he showed me things, many beautiful things, that I hadn’t thought to explore (they were off my path, so I never had dared) and he made me feel excited – well, excited, and scared. When he said, “Come in!” with that sickening grin, how could I know what was in store? Once his teeth were bared, though, I really got scared – well, excited and scared. I know things now, many valuable things, that I hadn’t known before: do not put your faith in a cap and a hood; they will not protect you the way they should. Now I know, don’t be scared. Granny is right, just be prepared. Isn’t it nice to know a lot (and a little bit not. . . ) !
I wish my son was not a fool. I wish my house was not a mess. I wish the cow was full of milk. I wish the walls were full of gold – I wish a lot of things! Look at this cow: there are bugs on her dugs, there are flies in her eyes, there’s a lump on her rump big enough to be a hump! And Jack says she’s his friend . . . No one keeps a cow for a friend! Jack, fetch the best price you can. Take no less than five pounds. Jack, are you listening to me?
Florinda and Lucinda (The Ugly Sisters):
Hurry up and do my hair, Cinderella. Are you really wearing that? Hear, I’ve found a little tear. Cinderella, can’t you hide it with a bow? I look beautiful, I know! Put my hair in a twist, Cinderella. Cinderella!! Or could you hide it with a hat? Now, Cinderella, pull it tighter. Tighter. Tighter.Tight (scream) Not that tight! Clod!
(talking to Cinderella) I’ve never lied to royalty before. I’ve never anything to royalty before! If a prince were looking for me, I certainly wouldn’t hide. My husband’s somewhere in the woods. He is undoing a spell. Now, the Prince, what was he like? Did you dance? Is he charming? They say that he’s charming. Are you returning to the festival tomorrow? Oh, TL be pursued by a Prince. All that pursues me is tomorrow’s bread. What I wouldn’t give to be in your shoes. I mean, slippers! As pure as gold! I need your shoes!
He’s a very smart prince. He’s a prince who prepares. Knowing this time I’d run from him, he’d spread pitch on the stairs! I was caught unawares: I thought, “well, he cares”. This is more than just malice, so I’d better stop and take stock while I’m standing here stuck on the steps of the palace!! You think, “make a decision. Why not stay and be caught?” Well it’s a a thought. What would be his response? But then, what if he knew who you were, when you know that you’re not what he thinks that he wants? And then what if you are what a prince would envision, although how can you know who you are till you know what you want (which you don’t), so then which do you pick? Do it quick, because you’re starting to stick to the steps of the palace!!
Audition Workshop Monologues – Gentlemen
Once upon a time in a far-off kingdom, lived a young maiden, a sad lad named Jack, and a childless baker, with his wife. The young maiden’s father had taken for his new wife a woman with two daughters of her own. All three were beautiful of face, but vile and black of heart. Jack, on the other hand, had no grandmother and no father and his mother, well, she was not quite beautiful. Because the Baker had lost his mother and father in a baking accident (well, at least that’s what he believed) he was eager to have a family of his own, and was concerned that all efforts until how had failed. The old enchantress told the couple that she had placed a spell on her house and explained how the Baker might lift the spell. The Witch said that they needed to collect the following items in the wood: the cow as white as milk, the cape as red as blood, the hair as yellow as corn and the slipper as pure as gold.
Good day, young lady. Whither away so hurriedly? And what might be in your basket? (sniffs) Ah, bread and wine. For your Granny? And where might your grandmother live? Ummmm! Look at that flesh, pink and plump! Hello, little girl. Tender and fresh, not one lump! This ones especially lush, delicious, mmmh! Hello little girl, what’s your rush? You’re missing all the flowers and the sun won’t set for hours! Take your time. (to himself) Think of those crisp, aching bones, then something fresh on the palate. Think of that scrumptious carnality twice in one day! There’s no possible way to describe how you feel when you’re talking to your meal!
There are giants in the sky! There are big, tall, terrible giants in the sky! When you’re way up high and you look below at the world you left and the things you know, little more than a glance is enough to show you just how small you are. Only just when you’ve made a friend and all, and you know she’s big (but you don’t feel small), someone bigger than her comes along the hall to swallow you for lunch! Your heart is lead, and your stomach stone, and you’re really scared being all alone, and it’s then that you long for the things you’ve known: the world you left, and the little you own.
Cinderella’s Prince and Rapunzel’s Prince:
I have been looking all night for her, the beautiful one I danced the evening with. Where did she go? Disappeared, like the fine morning mist. She was lovely, the loveliest. She lives here in the woods in the top of a tall tower that has no door or stairs, two leagues from here, due east just beyond the mossy knoll. I stand beneath her tower and say “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair to me.” And she lowers the longest, most beautiful head of hair - yellow as corn - which I climb to her. Rapunzel! What kind of name is that? Did I abuse her or show her disdain? Why does she run from me? If I should lose her, how shall I regain the heart she has won from me? Agony, beyond power of speech, when the one thing you want us the only thing out if your reach.
Look what I found in Father’s hunting jacket. Six beans. I wonder if they are the Witch’s beans? I’ll take them with me (to his wife) - no, you are not coming. I know I’m fearful of the woods at night, but the spell is on my house. Only I can lift the spell. No, you are not to come and that is final. Now what am I to return with? Arrgh – I can’t remember! “The cow as white as milk; the cape as red as blood; the hair as yellow as corn; the slipper as pure as gold.”
(Sees Jack who wants to get his cow back) Five gold pieces! Now, I never said that I would sell . . . I didn’t take the five gold pieces, you gave. Now I never said you “could.” I said you “might” possibly buy her back someday but I’m not certain that five gold pieces would . . . no don’t fetch more (Jack leaves to get more gold) – Five gold pieces! With this money I could buy baking supplies for a year. I could buy a new thatched roof and a new chimney.